


Enter the Red

by Ladyanaconda



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Gen, Humor, In Character, Movie: Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus, Randomness, Rewrite, Short One Shot, Spoilers for Invader Zim: Enter the Florpus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-10 22:00:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20535275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladyanaconda/pseuds/Ladyanaconda
Summary: How Tallest Red should have been portrayed in Enter the Florpus.





	Enter the Red

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! This time I bring a short fic taking place during Enter the Florpus. Sincerely, I think Red was way OOC. He's supposed to be the smarter of the two Tallest, and they made him as immature as Purple. I mean, come on, we're talking about the same Irken who singlehandedly dealt with Zim's hacking of the Massive in Backseat Drivers from Beyond the Stars! So I decided to make my version of how he should have been portrayed.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

"My Tallest? Something appears to have appeared in our path."

Annoyed at the interruption, Red glanced back to the communications officer. "What is it?" This better be good; he was enjoying his favorite flavor slurpee.

"A terrifying, deadly space anomaly!"

That's all? Big deal, nothing the _Massive_ couldn't deal with. Irk, they've flown near black holes and come out of it unscathed. Still, he tried to look thoughtful, if only to keep up appearances. Purple likewise did the same. "Interesting."

"As well as the planet Earth."

_Earth_. The not-so-magical word sent jolts of alarm throughout his system. In his shock, his grip on his vase tightened to the point he crushed its contents out of it and sent the straw right down his throat. Red dropped the vase and clutched his neck, making rasping sounds as he tried to spit it out. What on Irk is Purple doing instead of helping?!

"Earth? That means Zim! This is the worst news I've ever heard!"

Red somehow managed to gasp his co-Tallest's name in-between wheezes. "Pu-! Pur-!"

"Hey, why are you making funny faces?! Didn't you hear?! Zim is up ahead!"

"Tallest Red is choking!"

"Oh, that."

A rough hand came into contact with his PAK, sending the straw flying right out of his throat and unto the ground. Red coughed while taking in deep breaths to replenish the lost air. He glared at Purple. "Pur!"

"Didn't you hear the guy?! Zim is up ahead when he's supposed to be miles away! The horror! Oh, the horror!"

"Sirs, we still have quite a bit of time to change course!"

"But we're going straight!"

Red frowned. "Purple, what do you prefer? Changing course or deal with _Zim_?"

"But turning's no fun! Why is this happening? Make it not happen, Red!"

Red murmured under his breath as his co-ruler began to float around, wailing and groaning in panic. Admittedly, he couldn't blame him. How in Miyuki's name did Earth appear in their path? It was located in the Omega quadrant, the edge of their known universe, miles and miles away from the _Massive_'s course. There's no way it could have just appeared out of nowhere…

Wait a minute; the officer mentioned a space anomaly. "You, whatever your name is."

"It's Jack, sir."

"You said there's also a deadly space anomaly up ahead. Of what kind is it?"

The pilot checked the screen. "It doesn't say, my Tallest."

Great. Just great.

* * *

"We're so unhappy!"

Red's eye and red lekku twitched in annoyance. "Purple, you've been repeating that every five minutes for an HOUR!" He hadn't meant to yell, but the idea that they were getting closer to Zim was getting on his nerves. Besides, he had been searching in the _Massive_'s databases, and he couldn't find what type of spatial anomaly they were dealing with. The course of action to be taken depends on that information. Some couldn't be escaped from due to their gravitational pull, while others sent beams of energy out of their centers.

"Um, sir?"

"What now, Hac?! I'm a bit busy right now!"

"It's Jack, my Tallest."

"I don't care! What do you want?"

"I don't mean to tell you what to do, but… If you can't find information on the _Massive_'s databases, you could try looking in the interweb."

"Oh, really, captain obvious? I was about to do just that!" Red mentally cursed himself for not thinking of that a while ago.

He opened the interweb and typed spatial anomalies in the search bar. He got lots of results, but there was one in particular that caught his attention from an article written by the Inquisitorians.

_The florpus hole is perhaps the most controversial space anomaly known. Its study is limited, since florpus holes are rare and very deadly, and those sucked into its depths are hardly ever heard from again. The hole itself is a tear in the fabric of reality that sucks anything nearby, forcing it to collide with alternate realities until it's torn apart. The florpus is a result of the teleportation of an entire planet_. _The best one can do should they happen to encounter a florpus is to get away from it as fast as possible_.

"Red, panic with me! I'm lonely!"

"Planet teleportation…" Red rubbed his chin. It made sense. The only way Earth could have appeared in their path like this was if it got teleported. The use of such a big quantity of energy must have been what caused the florpus to appear, and if the Inquisitorians were right, then once you're sucked into it, you're done. Wait…

"Hey, Pac."

"It's _Jack_, sir."

"How far is Earth from that florpus hole?"

"It's close to being sucked in, my Tallest."

"And what other planets are near the florpus's range?"

"Kil' a Shok, Veela and a few others, my Tallest."

The corners of his mouth twitched upward into a grin. He glanced back at the pilots. "Go around the florpus hole." There was a collective sigh of relief as the pilots did as told.

"What?! Red, what about going straight?! Shouldn't we blow Earth up?!" Purple cried out.

"Purple, think about it," Red said calmly. "If what the Inquisitorians say is true, then Earth will eventually be torn by all those alternate realities once it's sucked into the florpus. If Earth is torn apart…" He trailed off to see if his co-Tallest caught on.

"We won't have any more cheesecake?"

Red's eye twitched (though admittedly, that _would _be a shame), but he contained the urge to snap. "Try again."

Purple went blank for a few seconds. "...No more Zim?"

"BINGO! We'll be rid of Zim _and_ those pesky, insignificant planets at the same time. Two birds with one stone, but to enjoy it, we must live to celebrate Zim's demise, so we have to get away from that anomaly as quickly as possible." As much as he hated breaking their straight line, celebrating that Zim would be gone for good was worth it.

While Purple continued to eat bags of donuts to vent off his stress, Red watched apprehensively as the _Massive_ and the Armada moved around Earth and the florpus. He noticed it was slowly moving closer to the dark, seemingly endless hole. Part of him wondered what was in there. Whatever it was, he hoped Zim would never be able to escape it.

* * *

"You! Bring me more cinnamon rolls!"

While parties in the _Massive_ are held often, it wasn't compared to the one to celebrate Zim's demise. There were anti-Zim posters on every wall, a rain of red and purple streamers, and everyone was wearing a party hat. Currently, Red and Purple were throwing darts at a crudely-made drawing of Zim.

"No more Zim!"

"Party all week!"

"Um, sirs? Isn't it a bit too soon to celebrate?" the annoying pilot from before said. "We have no real proof that Invader Zim is truly gone. We didn't see planet if Earth was swallowed by the Florpus-"

"Man, this guy!" Purple groaned. "Why must he be such a party pooper?"

"Hey, whatever your name is!"

"It's Jack, sirs!"

"Lower the piñata!"

Admittedly, while Zim's transmissions were often annoying, they taught them a few things about the hyoomans' snacking culture. One of their favorite ones was the one about bizarre-shaped punching bags made of paper paste and colorful strips filled with snacks. Curiously, instead of using your fists, you use a pole. Red commissioned one shaped like Zim a few months ago and saved it for an occasion such as this. What better way to celebrate Zim's death than smashing a papery representation of him?

"My Tallest, incoming transmission from-!"

"Not now, put it on hold or something!" Red retorted, aiming his pole right at Zim's head.

"But sirs-!"

"Are you deaf? Send it to voicemail!" Purple yelled.

The officer obeyed and sent the call to voicemail. Red raised his pole to Zim's head...

"_HELLO, MY TALLEST!_"

...And it slipped out of his grasp, sending it flying against Purple's chest plate, knocking him down and causing him to spit a big mouthful of soda straight to Jack's face.

"_I've called to inform you that phase two of my amazing plan has worked! I've stolen a ceramic decoration from the Dib-stink's living room! HAHAHA! Too bad I couldn't tell you in person, but you must be very busy right now. Invader Zim, out!_"

Red didn't remember much after that. The engineers stopped whatever they were doing to place him and Purple on their seats, fanning them both with whatever they had at hand as they hyperventilate. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally reacted.

"ZIIIIM!"

**Author's Note:**

> And here you have it. This is how I think Red could have been portrayed in ETF. Sincerely, thought he might be on the same page as Purple, we've seen that when their lives are at stake, Red is the first to take action and I think even he'd have broken the 'straight line' for their own safety.
> 
> I named the Com. officer Jack in reference to Samurai Jack.


End file.
